Fictional Pictorial History of Bangor, Maine

I floated in on an outgoing tide from New Orleans all the way to Bangor in the wake of Hurricane Katrina. It was time for a change, so I just let myself get uprooted like that, I didn't even resist the flow of the water at all. Nobody else around here looks like me in any way, but I'm fine with that. My bright facade and Louisiana wrought-iron flourishes were needed around here, and now they're appreciated around here, too. I just pretend that I fit in perfectly with my neighbors. And so I do.

A DeLorean sped right through here in a flurry of lightning sometime around 1985. Or maybe it was 1955? We can't remember. Way too fast to pull it over or give it a ticket. But we did grab the license plate number, fortunately. We've kept an eye out for it ever since. Never saw it again though, and Bangor just isn't big enough for somebody to just up and disappear like that, so we guess it must have been a time-traveler or something crazy? If so, we'll probably never really know for certain. Sometimes people just get away with things forever, you know?

I was once a giant cruise ship out on the ocean. After many years asail at sea, I got tired of passengers giving me norovirus, so I beached myself here, far inland. I'm so tired of that fucking virus. I never want to hear about it again. Just leave me alone, please.

I know that I'm a little bit square…but do you like my hat at least?

This is where I met the kindest and most courteous people in the entire world, who served me the most delicious and nutrious food in the entire world, too. Please visit them and enjoy their absolutely wonderful meals. I will be returning there often myself.

The kids all called me Chunk when we were growing up. I didn't mind because it was true. It still is.